So basically I'm back. Only I don't really feel like messing with this cluttered account, so I have a new one: ~Amaikokonut.

I don't know if any of my watchers are active anymore, but if so, feel free to update your watchlist. For the next few days I'll just be reuploading old stuff though, so~ yeah.

<3~ Looking forward to starting over

Mood: Lonely
Listening to: Various songs

Man, WoE time and me still without Ragnarok. This is the loneliest time. Because absolutely ~no one~ is on, they're off fighting. So, I figure I'll write. I need to write more anyway.

I got off the phone with my mom a while back. We talked for just about forever. I guess we were catching up, having not talked in a while. It was weird. "Catching up" with my mom. It's a lot different when she's not giving me work and chores and yelling at me for doing stuff wrong. So we had a decent conversation about how life was going...wasn't too bad. Even though she did wake me up from napping...

Today was beautiful. The weather was perfect~ it was sunny but breezy so it didn't get too hot. So I went outside to a field with a blanket and got Biku to call me. And I lay on the blanket and talked to him for nearly two hours and ran away from bees. It was a lot of fun though... I do love talking to him. We're prolly going to use up all our SkypeOut credit soon though. Well, it's not ~that~ expensive... I can always by more, as iffy as I am about spending money these days...It's worth it, I believe.

I found an old mp3 CD I still have. It doesn't have a whole lot on it, but considering I lost everything else in the crash... it's pretty nice to have at least some old songs..

It has the RO music on it too, which I could only listen to for a while before I started getting... well, the closest feeling I can think of is homesickness. I miss it so much...

Dad's rebuilding my computer, and I got him to download the RO install to it. So, if ~nothing~ else, when I get my computer back I'll have RO back. Nevertheless, I've been trying non-stop since monday to get the client to download uncorrupted. I hope my dorm doesn't shut down my connection for excessive use of bandwidth. Although considering my connection is freaking slower than dialup... joys of a dorm connection. The whole dorm uses it and clogs it up and it's so, so slow...

You get a random quote from The Lion King II now:

"I have left the outsiders. I'm a rogue. Judge me now, for who I am. ...or am I to be blamed for a crime I didn't commit?"

Kovu quote. I always loved that line. Heck, I always loved that movie. The ending didn't really make logical sense though. It's pretty much the same ending as the first pokemon movie. Only in pokemon they kinda had a bit more reason to quit fighting. I mean, in TLK2 they realize, "Hey, we're the same species! Let's all get along and accept these evil lions as part of our pride even though they just tried to kill the king!" At least in PK1 they had the whole "fighting is pointless" thing...

TLK2 was still beautiful though. When Kovu and Kiara jumped between the two fighting groups and wouldn't let them fight...

IT'S GUILD DRAMA!

...*dies* Wow. Isn't it though? *sudden realization* It's just like freaking guild drama. Only with lions. That would be hysterical. The Lion King III: WoE.

I wonder what the brave fighters are doing right now. I guess post-war I'll message Zero and ask how it went. Though maybe I won't... there's a wedding after war and he's probably going. And after that there's adoption, I think. And afterparties. Maybe I'm best leaving him be @_@ But I really want to know how it goes.

Zero has my undying graditude for keeping me posted on everything going on while I'm gone. I feel like I can depend on him, I guess. It's a good feeling.

In other news, Claw is impossible to get in touch with when I can't get on RO >>; And I hate bothering him, but I really need to go over these glow quest plans with him and get them refined so I can post them on the forum...And I still want to show him the butterfly icon, though he's probably got one for his team by now.

I'm just bantering on now. But who cares o.o It's my journal, I'm the bored and lonely one here. Cut me some slack. You don't have to read it if you don't want to.

I think I'm just going to keep writing until I either run out of things to write or think of something else better to do.

Hrm well, I ate a frozen dinner today. And it was actually pretty good. I still have my frozen chicken pie that I'm saving for either a rainy day or a good day of celebration. Prolly the day I get my computer back. Or get RO running, if that happens to come first.

I'm redownloading the client again (this is like...I dunno, the 6th or 7th time) with a different download manager. It should finish around 2am. I'll probably still be up. And maybe, maaaaybe it'll come through uncorrupt. I can only hope, I guess. Though after corrupting the first five times you start to lose hope.

Gack, my fingers are bleeding again. I tend to bite my nails when I'm bored, and I am certainly extremely bored.

Hrm, I think I'll go make some instant coffee or something, considering I'll prolly be up until at least 2am. If RO does work though, I'll probably be up through the night.

I guess I'll go play KoL or something. And then browse Wikipedia for a while. Hopefully that'll keep me occupied long enough til I can find someone to talk to...

Mood: Lonely
Listening to: Coldplay ~ Fix You

to fix you...

Yeah, beware. This is another lonely emo entry. And I think most of them will be. Because when I'm happy, I don't feel the need to write lately. I'm writing at this point for something to do. Expression or something.

My computer crashed and I lost everything. This is too completly and utterly devastating for me to even try to explain, and I feel sick when I think about it so... I'm not going to talk about it.

I can't get RO to download. On my creeping slow connection it takes 36-48 hours to get the install downloaded, and then it's corrupt. Tried downloading in parts, still no luck.

So I'm without my guildies, only when I can catch them on AIM am I not lonely.

Biku just redid his computer and he's busy with that lately and some game in which he blows up stuff...

I got in touch with some old people from my last online group, at AAML. Good to see they're still alive. Carley and Eric are still together...heh...that's really cute. And apparently Kate had an affair or something <<; Well, ~some~ of them are doing alright anyways...

Funny the people we held to and took with us when AAML fell to bits...funny the people we left behind... It's kind of sad...we were so sure we were going to be friends forever...

This song strikes a chord with me, with everything going on guildwise and lifewise and friendwise and stuff lately... so I guess I'll post the lyrics:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

I dunno what it's being sung to. Maybe WD itself...maybe the people who left it...maybe the whole situation last night...

It's sad...but it still is hopeful I guess...

I want to talk to Zero. He's been my listener lately. But he's not online... no one is. No one speaking to me anyways. Except that creepy stalker dude.

Oh look, my RO download froze again. That's just dandy. I swear... it's been a week since my computer died. This is getting emotionally painful. I miss my guildies so, so much ;_;

I guess no one's coming to rescue me tonight. Time to give up and turn in.
G'nite all..

Mood: Apathy?
Listening to: Random Playlist

Yeah okay, so my last entry was pointless and alludes to a lot of stuff I'm not going to explain. I was just upset and had no one to talk to and needed to throw it out there. So I'm sorry about that. I'm just going through a heck of a lot of emotional crisis stuff. That's always fun, isn't it?

Anyways, so I think I'm gonna be up late. I just don't feel tired, and I don't think I will be until I find someone to talk to or something. But I think everyones asleep for the night. That's fair enough. Tomorrow's friday~ no big deal... so I'm sitting here eating frozen applesauce, because my fridge is stupid and likes to freeze everything on the top shelf. It's an applesicle, I guess.

I'm tempted to break out the tuna, but that would make too much noise and my roommate is asleep. I've had meat cravings lately, I guess. I can't remember what I had for dinner today. I think it was... oh yeah, that spicy rice shrimp stuff. That was the special today. The shrimp was good, but the rice was a bit too spicy for my liking. And the potatoes were too hot and I didn't want to wait for them to cool. The roll was perfect though. I should have gotten another one.

I'm hungry, in case you can't tell. Saturday my parents are coming to visit~ maybe they'll take me out to eat. That would be nice...

In other news, I desparately need a job and have no way of getting one.
Isn't life great....

Mood: Overwhelmed

When I'm with you I feel like I could die, and that would be all right.... all right...

Much distress, much overwhelmingness...
This is what you get for sending letters meant to be unsent.
Confusion and pain... and tears... too many tears...

Reassurance that everything is going to be alright... a rush to pay a ransom for emotions and sanity held hostage, a ticking time bomb, a nervous breakdown...

It's been too long. Way too long.

I need to pull $5000 out of nowhere and someone to guide me through this.
But no one who can would understand.

Why does this have to be so hard...